can i kiss you?
by momozelemur
Summary: Set after Simon ditches Chloe in the woods, very rewritten, completely off track from the story. I read the series like 4 million years ago, so they may be OOC. First fanfic i've ever written! Will add more chapters or sequels. Rated M for future smut ;). Lotsa fluff, bit of angst maybe.


CHLOE POV

The house was there, across the field. It seemed miles away from where I stood. Honestly, it may as well have been. Simon left after the accusation; walked away with his hands in his pockets and shoulders slumped slightly. I really shouldn't label it as an accusation. There was no vindictiveness in his voice, or hate in his eyes, only sadness at his realization. I replayed the incident over and over in my head, until it screamed at me to stop. Simon was wrong. He was wrong to say those things, wrong to leave me here with a crisis in my arms. His nonchalant head tilt, hand still in mine. Was I supposed to have felt like that? I liked Simon. He was my best friend. He'd been kind, casual with me. I knew he liked me, too.

I thought a first kiss was supposed to send fireworks off in your head and butterflies through your body. I didn't feel - really - anything.

It was nice, that kiss. It felt nice. Just nice. God, that's all you can say, Chloe? Just nice?

Simon had looked through me when it ended. Straight through me. His eyes crinkled slightly at the edges before he dropped my fingers from his. After his words, the meaningless words, he promptly spun and walked away. Like I was nothing.

Now here I stand. At the edge of a field, staring across at the dimly lit windows of our home. It had already been too long to run after him, he already crossed the way. I watched him open the screen door and not bother to look back. A few of the adults were grouped at the table inside, chatting about nothing. I dropped my arms to my sides, clenching my hands into fists. I willed the tears not to come. A shudder racked through my back, up my neck. It was getting late. And cold. I was already crying. First one, then two more tears came and trailed down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was crying. Sad about Simon? Yes, that must be it. That's the only reason it could be.

I sighed slowly, releasing tension from my shoulders for a moment. I sniffled, forcing myself back to reality. I swiped the back of my hand across my eyes, pushing any further wallowing for another time. My jaw set and I began the long trek towards the house.

My eyes were on the ground, just in front of my feet. The screen door in the distance squeaked slightly and then cracked against the frame. My eyes fluttered up slightly to the sound, expecting Kit or another. My shoulders tensed again and I stopped walking. I did not need to deal with this right now. I do not want to deal with him right now.

"Chloe?" a low voice boomed across the field. I was only a couple minutes from the house. Boots pounded down the few shallow steps and crunched across the gravel. My mind shut down. I had already been let down today, by Simon and by myself. I was alone and was prepared to stay that way. My arms wrapped around themselves, fingers gripping my shoulders. I knew it was coming. Any second now, as the heavy footsteps approached.

My eyes were still on the ground when the figure stopped in front of me, feet a couple steps away. Derek. I knew it was him from his voice, but it became very real when he got close. My gut wrenched itself, the panic beginning to consume me. I took a step back from him, twigs and grass breaking up underneath. I could not make myself look at him. Not today, at least.

Derek slowly took another step closer, looming in front of me. His hands awkwardly hung at his sides. Always awkward, fumbling.

"Chloe?" he stated again, softer this time. So only I could hear, but still deep and abrasive.

"What?" I snapped. I didn't want to be angry. None of this has been his fault, so why am I so mad at him?

He peered down, trying to get a glance at my face. My eyes flicked up to his for a moment.

"You've been crying?"

My palm went straight to my cheeks. I pressed them for a moment against my eyes, an attempt to stop the burning.

"No."

I made a move to go around him. He stepped again in front of me, not letting me pass. My stomach did a flip.

Step. Block.

"Please let me go inside," my voice was small, on the brink of quivering. I still had not made eye contact with him.

"Look at me, Chloe," he grumbled, "please." His last word was quiet. A plea. A worry, a request. I couldn't help it. I so, so wanted him. I felt stupid and angry at myself for not accepting it sooner; accepting that he was the one, not Simon. Simon didn't deserve any of this. Derek didn't deserve any of this. I wanted to crawl into a ditch and stay there. I never do the right things, and things never go the way I will them too, no matter hard I try.

My eyes crawled up to his. We locked gazes, and I saw. I saw the pain he was in. I saw the pain I was causing. His green, striking eyes were filled with concern, not anger. The past weeks of angst and drama and conflict didn't show. In that moment, I wasn't just an annoyance. A pest he was obligated to defend. I looked at him through my lashes, trailing over his cheeks, his lips, his chin before it was overwhelmingly clear to me how gorgeous he really was. He always had been. He was always protecting me in one way or another, seemingly grumpy with the responsibility. Now, his entire demeanor was worry. I could accept that now. He was wrought with fear of something happening to me.

I made another attempt to move past him but instead of stepping again, he moved closer and put both hands on each of my shoulders. Derek held me at an arm's distance and lowered himself to be even with me. I couldn't help it. I started sobbing right then.

I covered my face with my hands, and his moved away. I thought right then that he was done, he didn't want to deal with a crying girl. A simpering, wimpy, sobbing girl. In a second he pinned me against him, warm and strong arms wrapping around my back, hands gripping me at my waist. I didn't hesitate, I just put my arms around his neck and let the sobs be muffled into his collarbone. The tension of everything, the crushing weight of the world was let out into his skin. And he just stood there, holding me, silent.

His fingers held on tighter and gripped me tightly. After a few minutes, the tears subsided and all that was left were sniffles and breaths between us. He was warm. Firm. I knew this is what I had been denying. I denied that I wanted him. In this moment, us pressed together, I cursed myself for letting myself prevent it. Everywhere we touched was a testament to what I had convinced myself I didn't want. Heat raged across our contact, tendrils wrapping around my torso and heat pooling in my core. I never wanted to let go.

I felt him stir, and I released my arms. I didn't know if I had gone too far, and panic struck me in an instant.

He gripped me tighter for just a second and I was lifted off of my feet. My arms gripped each other around his shoulders again, relief flooding through my belly.

One of his hands moved off my back and tentatively placed itself on the back of my left thigh. It pressed against it, willing my knee to bend. I immediately pushed the ground and my legs were hoisted up around Derek's waist. I gasped at the motion. He still held me there. Slightly swaying in the darkening field.

After a few minutes, he made a low noise. It vibrated across his chest.

"Chloe…" was the only thing he said.

"Hm?"

He kept his voice muted, I could barely hear him despite being wrapped around his body.

"Ready?" he whispered.

I raised my head and stared at him. My nose and eyes were puffy. My lids were half-closed, half asleep against his warm figure. He stared back at me. My fingers twitched across his shoulder blades, wanting to touch his face; brush his hair aside.

I wanted to look at him forever. He was beautiful. His dark hair hung shaggy, past his jaw. His chin was set and strong. And his lips, oh, his lips. They were perfect. The corners turned slightly downwards, and his lower lip protruded only slightly, into a pout. His cupid's bow was defined carefully, as if it was carved. Hidden beneath baggy sweaters, shaggy hair, and acne was the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. And I knew it all along.

Derek's eyes flicked up to mine. His arms tightened. His mouth unlocked, and his lips parted the tiniest bit. They were perfectly set, perfectly pink. I didn't care anymore. I wanted him, nothing would stop me from accepting him.

All I had to do was ask.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?" He graveled.

"Can I kiss you?" My voice was barely a whisper. I knew he heard me. There was no way he didn't.

His eyes widened. He swallowed, then opened his mouth slightly. Shut it. Opened.

"Of course," he breathed. His eyes glinted as I brought my face closer to his. I could feel his breath across my nose, and his quick heartbeat against mine. I smiled as his cheeks reddened and drew out the moment just a few seconds longer.

I let my lips brush past his for a second, testing the waters. He sighed. He chased me when I pulled away just for a second. I melted. Our lips locked and we both eased. His hands moved from my back to my hips, holding me flush against him. I placed a hand experimentally along the nape of his neck, thumb brushing his jawline. The other swiped and felt along his chest, feeling every muscle tense and simmer.

I couldn't believe I was touching him like this. Feeling him, lusting after him. I've never felt so at home, and I expect I never will except for with Derek. Derek Souza. At the same time, I didn't know what this meant to him. He doesn't seem the type to just make out with any girl that asks him, but then again, I didn't know him prior to being at the Lyle house. If this was our only moment together, it wouldn't be enough. But it would be worth it.

He deepened the kiss, slowly sliding his tongue across my lip. I parted, allowing us to explore each other.

When our tongues met, pressed together for a moment, he moaned lowly and slid one of his hands up to my waist. He gripped tightly. It was a simple action, but possessive. As if to say, " _Mine._ " I gasped and frantically sped up our rhythm, wanting more, needing more.

This is what I wanted. Derek was what I needed.

It felt like there was no more we could do in that moment. This is what we were born to do; be together and be one.

Derek slowed down his kiss, to where it was only a few pecks on the corner of my mouth and across my jaw. He craned back and looked at me for a second. His eyes were hooded and dark, dreamily peering up at me. I whined lightly at the loss of contact between our lips. He chuckled, dropped his head slightly, and rested his forehead on my shoulder. I played with the hair on his neck and pressed my lips to his head. This is what I wanted, all the time. I just want to be close to him, and know that he'll be here.

"Thank you," I heard him say. He fiddled with my shirt, not knowing what to do with his hands.

"For what?"

"This. Choosing me," Derek sighed at the words. His breathing had slowed down and he lowered me to the ground, still grasping my waist. I gaped up at him.

Here I was, standing in front of the guy I love, and he was thanking me. Thanking me for loving him.

I lowered my head and stared at my feet, very aware of the possibility of what might follow. " _Thanks for the make-out sesh, see ya later_ " My small arms clamped against my narrow hips, nails digging into the material on my thighs. I didn't want this to go wrong again, just like everything else.

Derek ran his hand carefully down my arm, dragging his fingers under mine and took my hand in his.

"I have to tell you," Derek grumbled. He was monotone, tense in his words. I was terrified. "I didn't think I'd ever have a chance, Chloe." My heart might as well have flew out of my chest. I looked up at him again, and he was looking away.

"It's always been you, Chloe. I can't explain it."

"Can you try? Please?"

He avoided my gaze. His jaw was set, shoulders slumped. He refused to look me in the eyes.

"I'm a werewolf, Chloe. Not a natural-born one. I didn't grow up with the inherent knowledge about what I am." He was gruff and short with his words. I laced my fingers through his and waited patiently for him to continue. He watched our fingers and circled his thumb across my skin.

"I was going through some of Kit's books a few days ago. I found one on werewolf lore. How sometimes they're human, and are able to change. The usual." His free hand went up to rub at the back of his neck, a nervous habit. My feet fidgeted.

"This book had a chapter on relationships between wolves. Not necessarily werewolves, but what their general habits are." He looked at me this time, brows furrowed and eyes intense.

"Wolves have mates," he spoke simply and took a deep breath, "companions for life."

"Oh." I had managed to get out one word.

He began scrambling, speaking quickly and stumbling over some words. I had never seen him this discomposed.

"It just made a lot of sense because I had never been even attracted to any girl before, even when they flirted with me to get to Simon but when I met you I knew it on instinct that I wanted you. I didn't know why or how, I just knew that I wanted you to be mine. I know I'm defensive and I have a lot of issues and I didn't want you to be mixed up in all of my –" I put my hand on his chest, and he took a breath. His hand tightened in mine.

"So," I started, trying to organize my thoughts, "you believe that I'm… your mate?"

He nodded, chest expanding as he breathed.

"Okay."

"Is that okay?" His eyes pleaded with mine, "Please tell me what you're thinking, Chloe."

I untangled my hand from his and stepped forward. My arms wrapped around his waist and I buried my face into his chest. His hands held me closer to him.

"I've been in love with you for a long time, and I was too stupid to see it. I'm sorry," I craned my head up to look at his amazing, gleaming eyes, "Of course, it's okay. It's more than okay."

For the first time, I saw him smile. Not just a tilt of the lips. A full, gleaming, uncontrolled smile. It was the most adorable thing I had ever seen. My heart leapt knowing that that smile, that handsome, crooked smile was for me. For me only. I blushed furiously and buried my face into his chest again.

He hoisted me up, and I laid my head on his shoulder. He started towards the house. I began to fall asleep as he walked, embraced by him and his scent. I was totally, absolutely in love with this guy. And he was in love with me. I was his mate. I had everything I could ever want.


End file.
